Motivational Leadership Speaker, Bestselling Oprah Author

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“What do you think of China?”

That’s a hard question to answer, especially when the person asking it is the executive vice-president of a $4 billion retail chain, and when that person is clearly Chinese. But, Wilson Zhu, executive vice president of Michaels, wanted my impressions.

I muttered something — certainly not the truth, because I didn’t want to insult him.

He pushed again. “No, what do you really think of China?”

“Well,” I began nervously, “China scares the hell out of me. I think of the Chinese as a bunch of men in black suits who have bought up our treasury bonds, are getting control over foreign oil that we need, and have destroyed the competitiveness of American industry by putting children on assembly lines. Then there are the environmental issues and…” I was not subtle, and he was not surprised. He’d heard it all before.

“Have you been to China?” he asked. So began a connection that would take me with a team of Michaels executives on a speaking tour of Asia. While there, I was able to interview business leaders, entrepreneurs and the next generation of talent. I was also given tours of some of the factories that do business with Michaels.
I knew that I would see what was presented to me, and that I’d never see the first child on an assembly line (most retailers have huge compliance teams that do spot checks). Still, I had my fears:

1. They would try to feed me dog.
2. Someone would be following me.
3. My communication would be monitored.
4. The bathrooms would be terrible.

I do not know if there are secret crews of men in black suits who are coming to take over America. I didn’t see any. I don’t have answers for the many points of judgment that start in America and stand as a wall between us. And I certainly have no comprehension of the power of the Chinese government and no explanation of its intentions.

What I have are encounters with people who share the same kinds of hopes and dreams that I have. I’m working hard for a living, they are working hard for a living. I love my family, they love their family. I am a product of my culture, they are a product of theirs.

Nobody fed me dog, nobody was following me, I had no signs that my communication was monitored and I only found one bathroom that was horrid, which is a better track record than I get over here in the U.S. Also, the Chinese government did not break into my hotel room and implant a microchip in my brain to reprogram my thoughts and make me spout off propaganda on popular U.S. blogsites. I don’t think.

But, when you come back from China and say good things about the Chinese people, there are a lot of people who think you’ve been suckered. After giving a positive travel report to Tracie Cone, a friend who was a reporter alongside me at The Miami Herald years ago, she blurted, “You’ve been tricked!” Then laughed.

I wrote a simple column this week about a remark made by a young businessman I met who talked of how the Chinese people don’t like to boast of their successes because a constant fear of failure pushes them to excellence. I noted how different that is from how we approach self-talk here in the U.S. We relish in our successes and know that if we expect big things, we’ll achieve them. All I did in that column was ponder the contrasting approach.

When that piece ran on the front of the business page of The Huffington Post, I posted it on Facebook. One of my Facebook “friends,” shot back a really ugly diatribe about how “this Chinese culture” is responsible for low quality products, child labor, pollution and human rights atrocities. “Let’s not be so quick to hold the Chinese ‘humble’ culture in such high esteem. Fawn, I respect your opinions, but it sickens me to see all of your ‘clones’ immediately fall into lock step with your every utterance.”

I don’t get it. I went to China and I met a nice guy who had an interesting perspective, but I’m not supposed to write about it because of everything else we think about China? What is it about China that is so damning that every single Chinese person is contaminated by every single negative?  All I did was write about a person and his opinion on success and motivation.

My Facebook critic has never been there, yet apparently he knows everything there is to know about China. I know China’s got some very ugly stains, and so do we. But I also know that there is a real human element there that we have not even tried to understand.

Where are the men in black suits? Maybe they are in our heads, symbols of our own fear. We can fear them, or work with them. This world has globalized, and opportunity exists for those who realize it.

I’m sure my critic thinks I’m naive, and I’m sure there are millions of others who would agree. I don’t know why such simple thoughts about people are so threatening, but apparently they are.

China is neither all good nor all bad. It’s I see China as a country with four times our population and ten times our problems. They’re working on their issues.

I asked Wilson about it and he said, “People think they look at the world objectively as it is. In reality, they look at it as they are.”

So true.

What a moment.

I traveled to Shanghai, Beijing, Taipei, Shenzhen and Hong Kong to speak on leadership and begin interviewing Chinese business pioneers for a book on globalization.

Here’s a little of what happened:

Last week, I returned from a speaking tour of Asia where American bravado met Chinese humility.

I am a leadership and motivation speaker who tells people to expect success, make decisions with confidence and to advertise their strengths and wins. That is the exact opposite of the Chinese way, which is to be humble and sense that failure looms.

I just got an e-mail from my new friend, Elmer Cheng, who is senior manager of product development for Polygroup — the company that manufactures most of the artificial Christmas trees and backyard swimming pools in the U.S. He is the 24-year-old son of Paul Cheng, the patriarch and founder of the company.

When I was in Hong Kong, I interviewed the family for a book I am writing about leadership, globalization and the Chinese way. I woke up to an e-mail today where Elmer gave me something significant to ponder.

“We do not know how to handle praise very well,” he wrote of the Chinese people. “We are always unsure how to respond and it is almost borderline embarrassing. Of course, praise is always welcome but in practical terms, some Chinese may see it as useless, because receiving it does not teach you how to improve or maintain success. Receiving criticism on the other hand, gives you a path of what needs to be done. What drives us is the fear of failure and not a moment of praise. Success is always temporary, failure lasts much much longer.”

That is the exact opposite of what American business leaders are coached to do. While it seems a little dark, this Chinese concept interests me because, for them, it seems like it is an equally effective model for success. They obviously are doing something that works. Last year, Polygroup was recognized as Walmart’s supplier of the year for the fifth time.

I don’t imagine I’d get much business as a motivational speaker speaker on leadership if I stood in front of major corporations telling people to hunker down and fear failure. While some of the American business leaders I know don’t brag on themselves, few will underrate or abbreviate what they have done.

When I interviewed many business people in China and Taiwan, almost all minimized their achievements. When I would ask them to summarize their successes, I got a lot of silence and stares — not because they didn’t know, not because their achievements were classified information, but because that simple, ice-breaking question caused real discomfort for them. I’d been told that the Chinese people were humble, but I never expected that humility to be so pronounced.

Would they be more successful if they stopped fearing failure and started pounding on their chests saying, “I’m successful! I’m wonderful! And, doggone it, people like me!” I don’t know. The Law of Attraction, which says our thoughts create our reality, has spawned a self-help industry in the U.S. where people have tapped into the their inner guru to remind themselves that anything is possible if they expect success. Elmer Cheng showed me that much is possible by respecting failure and shutting up about the victories.

I told him I am going to post an article about his thoughts on the Huffington Post, one of America’s top ten websites. His response? “You can use my quote but can I remain anonymous?” I told him it is important for me to use his name so readers will know I didn’t make anything up. Reluctantly, he agreed.

Humble.

I gave a motivational speech yesterday for a group of men and women who have been unemployed for awhile. A long while. Most of them have been out of work for more than a year and many are closing in on two years without a paycheck.

At least 90 percent were over 40 and, probably 75 percent were over 50.

I found myself looking at a group of people that had largely lost hope. One woman came up to me and said, “I know I won’t be able to get a job selling because of my age. I have to find some way to re-invent myself.” Maybe re-invention will be good for her, but I was stunned by the hopelessness in her tone. It’s not as if she were 100 years old. She was 52. Fifty-two and thinking life was over! She looked dispirited and worn out, and I just wanted to hold her and promise her that everything would turn around soon.

But, how?

The weight on that sweet woman’s shoulders was so heavy, and I know that the difficulties foisted on her by this horrid recession had zapped her of her confidence and verve.

I’m so big on the Law of Attraction that I know that what she puts out is exactly what she’s going to get back. If she — and the others in her group — projects frustration and hopelessness, life will give them plenty of reasons to be frustrated and hopeless.

But if they tell themselves  that the turnaround has begun, their luck is increasing daily and that they are in-demand, employable and worthy, guess what? They will project that they are all of those things. And once they put that energy out there, things truly will turn around.

Some people think this is a simplistic and Pollyanna approach to life, but the truth is, life is a lot simpler than we sometimes make it. We have to stop trying to force things and simply do the things that bring luck, success and good energy our way. Can the people I spoke to force change overnight? No. But they can change their mindset, re-focus their actions, work hard and expect big things. Sooner or later, something will work.

I am blogging from the roughest flight I have ever experienced in my life. We’ve been jerked and tossed and, three times, we’ve felt the panic that comes by a sudden downward plunge.

I’m sitting next to a really sweet, 22-year-old woman, a white-knuckled flyer who doesn’t enjoy the turbulence. I reassurred her that we’d be fine, but then it hit me — if you can’t make peace with the inevitable turbulance, you never get to go anywhere. It hit me that this flight is a metaphor for what many of us have experienced with our careers over the last 18 months.  

Several months ago, I delivered a keynote for a high-budget, incredibly well-produced event. The association spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on production — and it showed. I told the producer how impressed I was and he said something so inspiring and memorable that I have treasured ever since.

“I haven’t worked in six months. I love what I do. I am fighting to be able to do the work I love.”

Those words never left me because it struck me that is what we are all doing now. We are fighting for the right to do the work we love. Basically, we’ve been asked to reapply for our jobs, then reapply ourselves to prove how much we deserve our success.

I know that many have found the challenges they’ve faced to be frustrating and unfair, but some of us have actually welcomed them and experienced a reward we wouldn’t have gotten if the economy hadn’t knocked us around a little bit. The turmoil forced us to refocus and recommit. Doing that has made me truly appreciate how lucky I am to be able to fight to do work I love so much. I remember another corporate speaker telling me, “My calendar is empty. How are we supposed to find anything at a time when corporations are laying off tens of thousands of people.” Maybe my business was a little lighter last year, but it was more fun because I used the opportunity to try some creative marketing techniques that worked. This year is turning out fantastic. But, again, I am fighting for the right to do the work I love — just like that producer, and just like everybody else.

Those of us who made up our minds to stop fixating on the turbulence of the economy and, instead, shift and turn and figure things out have, for the most part, done well in spite of the downturn. Those who thought they would wait until things got “back to normal” saw their businesses decimated. Those who kept on doing things the way they have always done them saw huge losses.

It was a bumpy flight, but the turbulence stopped. Amazing how that always works in this crazy life.

We’re landing now. Safe and sound.

My mom is doing a little better, and I went out for some excitement!

I just heard that Robin Conyers died of breast cancer last month. From her, I learned to never, never, never quit. I moderated a panel for Kraft where Robin stopped the show with her story. She is one of the most incredible women I have ever met and her passing is a loss to all of us. Please experience her legacy in this touching video.

The seas didn’t part when we got a new president. There wasn’t a pot of gold on your doorstep when the stimulus packages passed. And the turn of a calendar page did not cure all your ills.

If you caught yourself saying, “Thank God 2009 is over!” you may well find yourself saying the same thing when 2010 ends — but you could well be poorer, older and less employable.

What are you waiting for? Seriously! You may be frustrated because your troubles have gone on and on and on, but the worst thing you can do is slow down or give in to defeatism.

Really, America,  it is time you got off your ass.

How do you do that when you are drowning in fear and uncertainty? Especially when your task is to start over and re-invent yourself, the challenge is extraordinary and intimidating.

My advice is quite simple. Ownership. Baby steps. Small victories. Bettering the product. Opening your vision. It is the same formula whether you are overwhelmed after being laid off or feel like you are sinking because you don’t have a clue how to create success out of the mediocre life you have for yourself.

The year doesn’t change you. You change the year. So, if you need a to-do list that will help you get moving and change your fate, here you go. Five steps to get you moving again:

1. Ownership. Are you making excuses for what has happened to you? What a waste of time. You may get away with blaming past difficulties on other people or circumstances, but the only person who gets the blame for a dim future is you. That’s it. If you’ve given up, don’t blame anyone but yourself. Tough love, Baby. You want out of your nightmare, wake up and get back in the game.

2. Baby steps.  If you try to overhaul your life in an instant, you’re doomed to fail. I always remember the editor I once worked for who gave up coffee, smoking and went on a diet the same day. Of course that effort ended in failure. You can change some things in an instant, but don’t put so much pressure on yourself that you think you have to change your whole life overnight. If you are overwhelmed, break your inertia by taking small steps that will actually move you toward your distant goals. If you take large steps in hopes of speeding up the process, you’ll likely find the whole undertaking so exasperating that you give up.

3. Small victories. It’s hard to stay in the fight if you get beat up every round. Set some short-term goals and objectives that you can achieve, then celebrate those victories. That lets you enjoy the process and chalk up a few wins so your self-esteem will rebound. If you are job hunting, one small victory could be sending your resume to 10 companies who haven’t even advertised positions. Another might be arranging informational networking meetings with influential people who can make a difference. Don’t base your success or failure on whether or not you are able to land a new job in six weeks. Base it on how you handle the adversity by planning a course and staying on it.

4. Bettering the product. If you have to re-invent yourself but have no idea what to re-invent into, you are hardly alone. You might have another passion or inkling of where to go next, but if you don’t, you can still use this moment to better yourself by learning through networking. Finish your college degree. Work on your master’s degree. Join networking organizations. Talk to lots of people about what they do that they love. Read more books. Just keep moving forward. There are ways to bolster your credentials while you are still treading water. 

5. Opening your vision. If you pressure yourself to solve every problem today, you may miss out on your true calling. But, you’ve got to do something with this day. The more you explore, the bigger your list of possible interests grows. You’ve got to pay the bills, so find short-term opportunities. But, keep your mind open for what you really want to spend your life doing, because that is where you’ll find your greatest fulfillment — and success.