Motivational Leadership Speaker, Bestselling Oprah Author

Archive for the ‘Success’ Category

She was 40, successful and had just been canned because her boss told her she had “an edge.”

“Why do I scare the hell out of people?” she asked me. “People either love me or hate me. I am told I need to tone it down, not to push so hard. I’ve been called a ‘bitch.’ What do I need to do?”

 I wondered:  “Why the hell are you asking me that?  That’s my problem.”

 That conversation happened eight years ago in front of seven senior executives who’d coaxed me into hopping into rental cars and heading for a Mexican border town after I’d done the keynote for their women’s leadership conference. They assumed that I had all the answers. Not that time.

 That woman had bared a raw truth that, after a few more drinks, every one of the other executives shared. They, too, felt like misfits. Outsiders. They had achieved so much success, power and authority, but they’d always gotten nailed when they exerted a little force. People sniped behind their backs, “Do you know what she’s done this time?” As managers, they were hired to shake things up, make things better, or improve the bottom line, but when they made changes, they were met with a resounding chorus of, “That bitch!”

That conversation led me to interview everyone from Hillary Clinton to Arianna Huffington to Susan Sarandon for my book, Mustang Sallies which I am not mentioning here as a transparent attempt to boost sales. I bring it up because it was published five years ago and women are still feeling the same pain.

 Things have gotten better because more women are in power and fewer men are surprised to see them there. In fact, there are legions of good men who are championing this generation of women executives so they will be more effective and successful. I don’t hear the word “bitch” as often as I used to. I see women going faster and farther. But, have we resolved the issues that kept that woman feeling watched and judged? No.

There are still things women leaders can and cannot do because we are still operating in a restricted zone of operation. We are not to say things with the same tone as men. If we’re too nice, we are seen as too weak. If we’re too strong, we’re controlling. If we’re too direct, we’ve got an edge. If we defend ourselves, we’re hysterical.

It goes on and on.  Two nights ago, I dined with senior executive women working for three of America’s largest corporations. We basically had the same exact conversation I’d had with those women who’d gone to Mexico with me. These successful women still feel they are maneuvering through that tiny zone of operation. One woman told me about receiving an e-mail that had accidentally been copied to her by a vender who called her “crazy” and complained that she was being overbearing trying to get them to deliver what they were contracted to deliver.

 That made me sad. I’d seen an e-mail like that written about me about a dozen years ago. And then there was the office Christmas party where a drunken employee in the buffet line blurted, “I hear you are a real bitch.”  I was crushed. I thought to myself, “I am not a bitch. I am a big marshmallow with real feelings that hurt. I’m just trying to do a good job. Don’t you get that?”

I didn’t understand that strong, bold women give off an energy that threatens insecure people. We have to watch every word so we aren’t misinterpreted.  So, if you’re wondering what to do to be more effective, try these steps:  

1. If you are angry about something, try to wait a day to say or write anything. Cool down as much as you can.
2. Always re-read every bit of your correspondence out loud, and do it in the shrillest, bitchiest tone of voice possible – because that may well be the way it is interpreted.
3. Do not immediately defend yourself if you are told you have messed up. You have every right to make your point, but do it with a plan and don’t do it when you are emotional.
4. Avoid crying. We are hormonal beings and it will happen. But, try to avoid it. When you feel it coming, go to the bathroom, go get a drink of water or do something else to stop or hide the tears.
5. Understand that your job is not to win every battle, but rather, to survive to fight another day.
6. Ask others what they think you are communicating and make sure it’s a match.
7. If others are gossiping about you, do not be afraid to confront it and say, “I would much rather we talk directly and keep our communication open.”
8. Build a strong, powerful support group around you to validate you when others are tearing you down.

I came home from the Executive Leader’s Forum last week with a negativity hangover. News on the business front is truly harsh these days. The bottom line is, if you are waiting this recession out and hoping you’ll just hang on until things get back to normal, you are making a mistake. This is the new reality. It’s the “new normal.”

It’s not all bleak — especially if you can grasp the seismic paradigm shift and adapt quickly.

The conference was for 120 of the nation’s most senior business executives. They are people I admire and enjoy tremendously.

Their point was that people’s values and habits changed in an instant — and aren’t going to change back. Society isn’t spending like it used to — and it won’t. People and companies are deliberating before buying. They are contemplating whether they actually need what they are buying, rather than just buying because they want something. Buying for “want” symbolizes excess — and that is now seen a gauche. The leaders at the conference don’t see the trend ever switching back, which is why retailers are having to dance fast to figure out how to service their changing customers. If people are opting to buy store-brand cheese and canned goods over the tried-and-true brand names, what can a brand name do? That’s the challenge.

Especially since, as individuals in the marketplace, we are all our own brand name products.

It’s also the opportunity, something that fits with the theme of my new book, Finding the UP in the Downturn. The daily dose of bad news is so bleak that people are giving up. But, for those who don’t, there is a huge opportunity to succeed. Like Shelley Broader (president of Michaels) told us, there is no better time to start a business than when the price of real estate, labor and equipment are at rock bottom prices. Instead of contracting, we have to figure out how to smartly expand by exploiting the new reality to our advantage.

All of this involves a personal awakening and acceptance. We have to accept that the rules have changed, and brainstorm ways to fit our talents to the new demands that have been created. We have to be relentless.

If you are looking for an excuse to give up, you don’t have to look far. But, if you give up, things aren’t going to suddenly return to normal when the recession ends.

This is the sobering new reality, and we’ve all got work to do to decide where we fit into it. That means studying our industries, our clients and our competition. It means learning our technology and knowing where it is going. It’s taking action without being 100 percent sure of the result because there is no more 100 percent certainty in anything. It’s having the confidence and courage to know that we are moving forward and, when we are doing it wrong, we can change quickly and right our course.

Bad news can wear down our confidence, but only if we let it. This is the time to make up our minds that we will be winners in the new reality.

What’s your first step? Open your eyes. The challenge isn’t going to go away, so what do you need to do?

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of five books, including one that was an Oprah pick. She is a four-time, Pulitzer-nominated journalist and an internationally acclaimed keynote speaker who has been hired by some of the world’s largest corporations to share her message of opportunity and leadership.

I have a friend who is on the brink of losing everything. Her home. Her savings. Her retirement…

It isn’t pretty. She says it’s a matter of weeks before she bottoms out.

This year, we are learning to redefine “bottoming out.” I have had several friends give up their homes, spend down their savings and drain their retirement funds.  On paper, they have nothing. But, they are showing a resilience that is profound. They are finding out what they are made of, and counting on support from people who love them. As bad as things get, they still hang in there to fight another day. At some point, the days do get easier.

We’ve learned so much about loss and sacrifice this year, particularly when it comes to a concept like “security.” Most people deluded themselves into thinking their secure jobs meant secure futures, but their jobs were not secure. The only thing any of us can really count on is our own resilience. Let go of the things that don’t matter and build your own security once more. There is security in the knowledge that, the less you have, the less you have to fight to protect. You can downsize yourself out of a lot of headaches.

Sure, the future is uncertain — but, it always was. Just get up every day and have faith. It’ll all work out.

I’m hearing from so many of you who so depleted by the economy and so worried about how you will make it through this year. This is such an obstacle course.

It is hard to stay up when you constantly feel your efforts are being beaten down, but your ability to get up every time you are pushed down is what will get you through this. Keep trying. Don’t wear your suffering on your face.

I have several clients who are truly struggling because they still haven’t found work months after being laid off. We hear so much about the economic crisis, but this is a very human crisis that has forced once-successful professionals into depressions because they keep “losing” at everything they try. Here are some simple suggestions on what to do to keep your mind in the game. It really is much easier than it seems:

1. Circumstances are beating everybody up — not just you. Don’t take things personally, no matter how many times you are passed over, rejected or ignored. There are millions of people in the same boat.
2. Stay optimistic. Do not EVER worry that the troubles you have now will last forever or they will last forever. Tell yourself that you are tough enough to outlast any crisis.
3. When you fall down, get back up. Every time.
4. Don’t give yourself brain damage trying to “force” a fix. Sometimes, things fix themselves if you stop pushing so hard.
5. Don’t sacrifice this year or any other to misery. Find something in your world that makes you happy and make time to enjoy that whenever you can.
6. Don’t show desperation. It doesn’t help anything and people, for some reason, don’t like helping desperate people. Desperation makes people uncomfortable.
7. Count your blessings the first thing in the morning and the last thing in the evening.

Hang in there. You’ll get through this.

On Sunday, I received a call from a woman who is days away from certain layoff. We’d talked a few weeks ago and, already, her attitude had sunk from determined and hopeful to defeated and frantic. I want to share the conversation because it is relevant to others who are struggling in today’s job market.

Her: I’m looking around and nobody is finding anything and everybody is a short time away from bottoming out and we’re all pushing 50 and none of us is going to get a job and…

Fawn: This is especially hard because so many of your friends are going through the same thing. I hate to say it, but you have to minimize your exposure to the other people you know who are struggling. Their worries are pulling you down. If you can’t compartmentalize it, then you have got to cut it off. You and I are sensitive people and when people we love are in pain, we feel it and carry it. You’ve really sunk in the last month and it is because you see what everyone else is going through and it is making you lose hope for yourself. You have to control it.

But I don’t have long before I bottom out. All of my money is tied up in this house. If I don’t sell it within the month…

Fawn: Get your brain out of that negativity loop. It’s not going to help you. If you don’t sell your house, what will happen? You’ll survive. Even if you wind up going into foreclosure, you will survive. You will never  be eating out of a garbage can. You know you will always, always be all right. You have to know in your gut that it will all work out because then, it will all work out.

I don’t know how to stop it.

Give yourself 30 minutes a day for worry. That is it. Pick your time. It can be from 3 to 3:30 in the afternoon. Or 11 to 11:30 in the morning. Or, whenever. But, that is it. No more worry than that.

I am tired of the rejection. I sit for interviews for jobs that should be mine — I am perfectly qualified AND I know the people, so I am networked the way I need to be networked. But, I don’t get the jobs.

Fawn: It takes time. The first thing you have to understand is that you don’t get a job just because it seems like you are destined to get it. Or that you are the most qualified. I’ve applied for things that had my name all over them and I didn’t even get the interview. You are getting interviews. That is fantastic. Sooner or later, the right thing will come to you.

The mistake I see others making is that they work like hell to get their resumes out there the first month, then they get frustrated and only send packets out when they hear of something. You have to treat this like a full-time job. That means you send out at least 10 inquiries a day. Every single day. And remember that most of the jobs worth having are not being advertised. Managers don’t want to sift through a thousand resumes, so they are asking friends and colleagues who they know who is available. That means you now have to focus on networking more than ever.

Her: I can’t stand the rejection.

Fawn: It is a terrible market, but you have to remember that the more you apply for, the greater your odds. You have got to be out there — everywhere — and something will work. It is doing this every day, for months, until you blast through. But, you have to know that you will blast through because, you manifest what you think. If you think you’ll spend the next year or two suffering, you will spend the next year or two suffering.

I’ve got some fiction-writing clients who I coach professionally and I tell them that they can’t whine about how mean the publishing business is until they’ve got 100 rejections under their belts. It’s kind of like paying your dues. You are doing that now. Just keep persevering.

I feel terrible.

Fawn: Are you exercising?

I haven’t been, but I am going to today.

seeker the dark is rising the divx

Fawn: That is the single most important thing you must do, without fail. You have to let your body work to help you. If you take care of it, it will take care of you. Your pheromones will make you feel better, and that lift will keep you going. If you are not exercising 30 minutes every single day, you MUST. It is a non-negotiable.

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of five books. She is one of the nation’s most sought-after professional speakers on leadership, performance and success.

It’s been a week since the Rocky Mountain News published its final edition. Some of my old colleagues have forged on, using the Internet to keep the Rocky’s spirit alive at www.iwantmyrocky.com. This is pretty revolutionary stuff.

It reminds me of the time the IRS shut down a Popeye’s Chicken franchise in Denver. The next morning, the employees opened up and cooked and sold the remaining chicken so they would get paid for the week. Granted, they got in a lot of trouble, but I really loved that they banded together and carried on.

That is what these former Rocky staffers are doing. They can still do great journalism without the hard copy of the newspaper. Instead of surrendering, they are fighting back with their talent. I’ve always said, your job may not last but your talent does. This website is proof.  I hope it will become profitable and a template for other reporters who find themselves losing out in this economy.

Please visit their site and click on their ads to drive up revenues and support these swashbuckling reporters. And, pass on the word.

I felt so bad that the tradition of Rocky founder William Byers was dying with that last edition, but it’s not. This is exactly what Byers would have wanted.

Again: www.iwantmyrocky.com!

The following quote was in the footer of an e-mail I got yesterday:

watch universal soldier the return in divx “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you.. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway.” Mother Teresa

Amazing. Every time I find myself needing a little boost, one of these messages comes to me by happenstance. No kidding. Every single time.

I was thinking…

If I needed to see it, maybe you would too.

I just got a note from my insurance agent, a savvy woman who is trying to make sense of her own bout of career insanity. She writes policies for State Farm — in Florida. That’s not a good thing. Here’s her note:

I could use an emotional lift! An independent career girl for 20 years, worked hard, just started enjoying being able to coast a bit, and wham, State Farm says it is leaving the state.  Of course, there was eventual depression.   The company has my hands tied as a captured agent unable to write through other carriers.  Big political mess.  And I have no control; okay with that. But what next? I will be fine.  A survivor.  Just need to hone in on what I want, and what will pay the bills. 

The most significant line in her note is this: “…(I) just started enjoying being able to coast a bit…” repo the genetic opera divx It’s significant because it made me realize that, for the most part, all of us were coasting — and we didn’t even know it.

I thought I worked really hard. I think a lot of people did. But, faced with the challenges brought on by this disastrous economy, I’ve had to work harder than I have ever worked in my life. It’s paying off, but there is no way I can maintain my business by coasting or simply working hard. We’ve got to put forth Herculean effort or we will fail. These are times when we have to dig so deep into our reserves in order to perform at a level that can overcome these these enormous challenges.

Fortunately, we can do it. We can be quite agile if we quickly accept that what worked in the past won’t work now. Be smart enough to look at your industry and figure out what you can do to adjust and recalibrate faster than your competitors, then come up with a plan and execute. Be bold. Be smart. Be decisive.

We can all cuddle around the campfire and cry about opportunities lost, or we can get off our butts and work. There are so many people who are so shell-shocked by what has happened that they are just sitting on their rear ends, waiting for someone to tell them what to do.

Well, there isn’t anyone who can tell you what to do because we haven’t been through this kind of thing before. So, go figure it out! You don’t know where to start?

1. Figure out five things you want to accomplish in the next three, six and nine and twelve months.

2. Rank them from most important to least.

3. Break each goal down into the steps you will need in order to achieve them.

4. Now, look at those goals again and go deeper with your plan, anticipating the worst but making up your mind to achieve the best.

5. Huddle with your friends and mentors and get their input on what you should do — and what they can do to help.

6. See if it may be to your benefit to turn some of your former rivals into allies so that you can use your collective knowledge and experience to generate success together.

7. Come up with a plan with deadlines and milestones.

8. Believe you will get through this, and you will get through it.

9. Get off your a** and work. Work, work, WORK.

I remember my friend Marilyn urging her husband Scott to chill out for a minute and go play golf. He’d just been laid off and was so intense about his job hunt that she worried his health would suffer.

His determination paid off with a job near Dallas that will pay him more money in an area where the cost of living is 35 percent less. Basically, he got laid off then traded up. Not only that, he had his choice of three jobs across the country.

Good for him, bad for me. I’ll miss Marilyn more than I can say. But, I am just so happy to have heard some good news when I keep hearing about more and more layoffs.

I know people who aren’t out there aggressively pounding the pavement because they think there isn’t anything out there. There ARE jobs out there. They are just harder to get. Make it your mission. Do what Scott did. Make it your job to find your new job.