Motivational Leadership Speaker, Bestselling Oprah Author

Archive for the ‘Life balance’ Category

Several weeks ago, I wrote about my close friend, a very rich man who had destroyed his life with alcohol and anger. He was in an intensive care unit, paralyzed with a major brain bleed. At the time, there was a question of life or death. He lived.

• download insanitarium divx

But, what he has and what they expect he will always have is not good. His family has been told he will need 24-hour care for the rest of his life. He is paralyzed with very little progress. He can’t communicate much of anything.

How could this have happened? This man was generous, kind, funny and unbelievably successful. But, he had a dark and brutal side that tormented others – and himself. To be honest, I always thought his drinking would kill him. Seeing what is ahead for him, I kind of wish it had. This kind of life is worse than death to him. I saw him a week ago and he was in a nursing home, strapped to a wheelchair, frustrated with his inability to speak and furious that he could not have a drink. At night, they zip him into a bed with a canvas “cage” around it so he won’t try to get up. He’s paralyzed, so he can’t stand or walk. But his arms are strong enough to move him around and cause him to fall out of the bed.

I’m a little shell-shocked after seeing him. We first met in 2003 when he was a student in a nonfiction-writing course I taught at the Maui Writer’s Retreat. He was the millionaire with the attitude, a spry-looking guy who wouldn’t take his sunglasses off. I am not sure if he was trying to act cool or hide something. But, we got a brother-sister banter going and afterwards, he hired me as his personal writing coach. One side of him would charm me crazy. The other side was verbally abusive. There were days when I should have quit, but I didn’t because the money was so good and I didn’t have to live with him. He was just like having a boss that was a real jerk, only he paid me way better.

Beyond that, I loved him very, very much. He’d had a hard childhood, raised in poverty and constantly beaten by an alcoholic father who eventually shot and killed himself. With that in his DNA, it is surprising that my friend was able to become one of America’s most successful businessmen in the dot.com era. But, he knew how to rock and roll a sales force and did it with global reach, taking home millions in his paycheck.

This taught me what those millions were worth. They did not buy him peace of mind from his past. He admitted his self-esteem was terrible. He’d try to buy love with money – and that didn’t work. He had so many resources that he couldn’t hit rock bottom. He’d been in rehab four times, but always went back to the bottle.

It is such a dark story, but it really shows how money does not buy happiness. It does not fill your life with meaning. So, just be happy now, while you can. Life is fragile. Love what you have.

I am getting more than 100 e-mails a day and am really behind. Yesterday, I found this lovely note and photo from my friend, Dianne Williams. I have to share it with you…

“Even in death, she’s teaching me lessons about life. Fawn, your beautiful story led me to write a slightly different one. Unlike your relationship, my mother and I were not very close for most of our lives together. Neither of us would ever eat cat food as long as the other drew breath, but at a heart level we struggled to find common ground. Now, a little over a month after her passing, I wrestle with what I learned from her, and what I will carry with me through the rest of my journey. First, I learned to have long term health care insurance! The second lesson will require more effort than the first. That lesson is that I’ll be happier if I live my whole life.

“As I sorted through old pictures and documents that I had never seen, I met a different woman than the one I knew. I found her signatures as president of several women’s organizations, her picture standing strong and resolute in front of a state office building, and a letter from a U. S. Representative, thanking her for her community service. Who is this woman, I wondered? Who is this part of her I never met? I’m not sure when my mother just took a seat and sat down in her life or why, but my own life offers clues. Did she get immersed in the day-to-day “administrivia” of living? Did she pour all her energy into someone else’s future? Did she get bumped around once or twice by failure and decide to stop trying? Will I? I pray that the answer is no, and fortunately I have something she didn’t have. I have the perspective of her life to guide me – perhaps to warn me. Thank you mother for the sacrifices you made for me and for all the lessons you taught me, even these last ones. I’ll do my best to live all the days I am given, to be true to who I was born to be, and make us both proud.”

I am proud to know Dianne. She is such a gift in my life and I am happy to share her with you.

I am sitting here in my dad’s office, which is in the bedroom that was mine when I was a teenager and in college. I’ve been showing him some things on the computer, and I’ve introduced him to my blog. Right now, I am showing him how I post these things. Basically, this is father/daughter time, and it is precious.

Dad is 80 years old now. He is the most amazing man I know because he still works — as a pharmacist — and he makes time to visit my mother three or four times a day in the nursing home. I am always being told how lucky I am to be his daughter, but I know that. I always have.

princess bride the free So, he’s sitting behind me and we have been exploring YouTube and the blog and all kinds of other things online. We are supposed to go out for breakfast, but I’d rather just sit here and hang out with him. It’s so good to have a dad like this. He is so interested in everything I am interested in. And he makes this big adventure of life so much more meaningful.

My mother suffered her stroke when she was just 66 years old. That taught me that life is so unpredictable and every moment is so precious. I feel that when I am with Dad. We don’t live forever. But we have right now, and right now is so beautiful.

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one’s life.

Crucial

Because of recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation…
After reading these crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful
in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, And he will go for the wallet/purse.
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole
and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THAT! The predator will be watching you, and this
is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.  AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head, DO NOT DRIVE OFF. Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead, gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your air bag will save you.
If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it .
As soon as the car crashes, bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware. Look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floorm and in the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone
and are the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT.

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one’s life.lesbian vampire killers movie

When You Have Too Much To Do and No Time To Do It

 

Prioritize and organize. Have a “to do” list for every day, and try to get through it. Make

tomorrow’s list at the end of your workday. Don’t over-schedule your life.

 

Focus. Know what your major goals are for the week and don’t get distracted.

 

Know when you are at your best. If you are most productive between 3 P.M. and 5 P.M.,

that’s when you should be doing the hardest work. Never fritter away your peak hours

on phone calls or other distractions.

 

Clean up your mess. Clutter makes it harder to do your job.

 

Quit procrastinating. Just do the hard or unpleasant tasks you have to do first and don’t

lose time worrying about them.

 

Set deadlines. Know how long each assignment should take, and try to complete it on

schedule.

 

Don’t get stuck in the mud. If things aren’t clicking with what you are doing, either take a

break or switch to another assignment and come back to it when your mind is

refreshed.

 

Use your commute to your advantage. Do work or read when you are on mass transit. If

you are in the car, listen to tapes. Have work with you when you are waiting for

meetings in other offices.

 

Schedule alone time. Clear your mind and focus on what you need to do and how you

intend to do it. Or do nothing. Let your mind and body rest.

 

Have smart meetings. Have an agenda, and send it around before the meeting. If you

have a choice, use it to decide which meetings you will attend. Handle what you can in

e-mails and conference calls, but when you meet, don’t let things drag on endlessly.

 

Delegate. Don’t be proud or stupid about doing what other people are able to do.You

don’t have to do it all, you just have to see that it gets done right.That goes for career

work and housework.

Return phone calls during lunch. Leave a voice message, that way you spend one minute

• genova online

instead of ten connecting.

download defiance dvdrip

Know what counts. Few people will ever remember which meetings you missed, but

your children and spouse will never forget.

Consider your timing. Maybe you would rather jump off the fast track while your

children are young.  

I went to a small dinner party where someone who is in the Fortune 10 most powerful women in business. She was warm, accessible and kind. But she didn’t have much to offer our conversation about life balance except her regrets that she has no time to golf or hang out or do any of the things she would really like to do.

I asked, “Why don’t you just do some of those things so you don’t burn out?”

She looked at me like I just didn’t get it. “I have the weight of the world on my shoulders,” she said. And, she meant it. Then she said, “When I accepted this job, I made a commitment to the company and the stockholders. I have no other option.”

5070 camera digital pdc polaroid silver

Truth is, I didn’t get it. Why would anyone choose to give up life for work? Even a temporary sacrifice like that is too much because, living in one dimension, you will challenge your physical and mental health to the point where you stop living in a colorful world. We’ve all seen colleagues humbled by heart attacks and strokes, or even extended bouts of depression. The one thing I think we are all called upon to do is live in the moment. Live a vibrant, colorful life in the now.

I think of two veteran journalists who loved my newspaper so much that they had their ashes encased in the walls after they died. Instead of having their ashes spread in the glorious Rocky Mountain around them, they chose the newspaper lobby? It said everything about what the paper meant to them and, probably, what they thought they meant to the paper. But, theirs was a sad choice, because decades after their deaths, people didn’t care about who they were, what they’d done or what they meant to the history of the newspaper. It was a bit of a joke that there were ashes in the wall. And, aggravating the insult, when the paper was moved into a new building, the remains were removed and buried in a cemetery. Management didn’t even extend the courtesy of letting them make the move with everybody else.

You can give and give and give and give, and the business will take and take and take and take. In the end, who you are matters so much more than what you did.

The business won’t love you back.

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courageous and creative leadership strategies.

I used to hate it when editors would have me ask women of power the question, “How do you do all of this and raise a family?” I thought the question was insulting, especially since I was never told to ask it of men. But, after talking with so many women who are trying to do it all, that remains the question. How do women do such extraordinary things without letting their home lives fall apart?

I speak to women at companies and organizations all over the country and I hear so much anxiety over this one issue. The guilt they feel over having to travel or work late or miss events is depleting, consuming and powerful. They feel like they are missing so much. Like their children will resent them. Like others will judge them. Like they are doing things all wrong.

I am constantly asked about balance issues. The reality is that there is no issue of balance. It’s all about imbalance. It’s about making the imbalance work so you succeed professionally, raising children who are not juvenile delinquents — and not losing your mind in the process.
Women always are running to keep up with the demands. Despite their efforts to do it all, they are tortured by guilt because, let’s face it: They can never do enough.

Is it selfish to want a career? Is it selfish to want to be with your children? Is it selfish to want ten minutes to yourself? Is it selfish to want a little bit of everything?

So many of the young mothers I meet describe a frenetic cadence they have to sustain as parents and professionals. I just flew back from a speech in Chicago and was almost mowed down at the newsstand counter by a woman who pleaded with the clerk, “Where is there a store that sells children’s toys?” I hear about that so much – that when a woman leaves town for work, the guilt is so immense that she has to desperately find something to bring back in her suitcase.

Do men feel as guilty? Are they compelled to do that?
I recently interviewed more than 50 of the most successful women in American business. Nearly two thirds of the women who are mothers have husbands who are stay-at-home dads. Nationally, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that just one in five fathers are stay-at-home dads, so these numbers of senior executive women with Mr. Mom at home are startling.

What does it mean when these senior women choose this option? Does it prove that the old model was right? That the senior executive needs someone at home running the household and taking care of the kids in order to make everything work?

I think that it suggests that running a household and raising a family are such demanding challenges that every parent needs all the help she or he can get. And that those who make it to senior leadership are in a better position to pay for that option because they have the bigger paychecks.

What would happen to those national statistics if every family could afford financially to choose that option? Senior leadership is a demanding world, but is it any more demanding than a world where a woman works two back-breaking jobs to meet her family’s bills? I think there are a lot of women who would just love to have that kind of support at home.

I got an e-mail from an executive’s Blackberry yesterday, inquiring about me speaking at an event she was hosting. Get this: She was sending that e-mail while she was getting a root canal. I am not kidding. Janet Johnston now wins the Oscar for Best Performance by a Type-A Personality.

It gets better. In the middle of all that, she was summoned to talk to some state official for the routine meeting about her au pair. She had to get out of the oral surgeon’s chair, cotton in mouth, and make the appearance.

Janet!

I love her. Love her energy, love her vibe, love her indomitable ways. But, Sister has got to chill. In this balance dilemma, it is so important that you build up the personal firewall that will protect you and your time. It is way too easy for work to intrude on personal and family time because a) companies are more demanding than ever b) it is so easy for work contact us to reach us at all times c) we often feel a need to demonstrate unlimited loyalty in the line of duty d) we get a little too wrapped up in what we are doing.

Knock it off, or you will go crazy. You have the right to reserve time for your self and your family. If you feel that pressure is on you to be available 24/7, talk to your boss about making some adjustments. Employers are sensitive to the balance issue these days because it is costing them money when employees leave.

Make it clear that your job is important to you and that you are committed to succeeding with the company. But, you need to have a firewall that gives you time with your family so that you don’t raise a bunch of drug addicts and juvenile delinquents, or wind up e-mailing people from your Blackberry when you are getting a root canal.