Motivational Leadership Speaker, Bestselling Oprah Author

Archive for the ‘Change’ Category

This is the first in a series of posts on dealing with control issues.

I always say, “Make a plan for what you want to do with your life. It’s the greatest piece of fiction you will ever write.”

Truly. Life unfolds. You cannot force, command, direct, ordain, bully, manage or control it. You just can’t. As soon as you think you have everything all figured out, you slam right into an obstacle. There goes the plan.

If we could control life, we’d all have millions in the bank, excellent health, gorgeous spouses or partners, perfectly behaved children, fully functional families and, well, you get what I mean. Life would be oh-so-pretty on every given day. It would be predictable and it would be fair.

It would also be boring.

There is so much in life that is out of our control, yet we feel some urge to manage the unmanageable to achieve the outcome we want. We want people to think, react and behave  the way we want them to. We want our efforts to be successful. We want to know where we are headed, but sometimes we just can’t.

You could be on the greatest run of your career, only to find out that you have cancer. You get it together, adjust your plan of what is ahead and gear up to do what you have to do to beat the disease. But, sometimes it isn’t up to you. Sometimes, life comes at you in ways that are brutal and unfair. It’s all part of the growth experience.

You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction. Look at how many people have been shocked to learn their spouses have been cheating or living secret lives. And how many people have devoted their lives to companies that were quick to dismiss them when times got tough. Look how many people thought they had secure retirements, only to see their investments disappear.

Life is fragile and unpredictable. It turns on a dime. One day you are healthy, the next day you are not. One day you are happily married, the next day you are not. One day you are gainfully employed, the next day you are not. We are constantly faced with an uncertainty that is so unsettling to some that, rather than learning to ride the waves, they try in vain to control the tide.

Life can’t be controlled.

If I had ten dollars for every time someone has come up to me after an event and said, “I’ve always wanted to write a book,” I could be retired. I’m serious.

It is a sad refrain because, almost every time someone says it, I can tell that the book will never be written.

If you really want to write your book, you write your book. If you truly want to go back to school, you go back to school. If you want to take off a year and travel, you take off a year and travel. Whatever. You shut up and find a way. I’m one of those people who believes that, if you really want to do something, you make up your mind and do it. One of my mentors was a single parent who, when left with two small children, drove a taxi to get herself through law school and went on to become a much-admired judge.

We are capable of accomplishing so much if we just dare to commit and get started. When I hear the “I really want to write a book” line, I tell people of Rick Light, the service manager at my local Goodyear store. Rick once saw a box of books in the back of my car and mentioned he was writing a novel. Every time I see him, he tells me how it’s going. He spends every single lunch hour in the public library. He takes index cards and writes several paragraphs or phrases and perhaps sketches out a scene. Then, he goes home and types it all into his computer. He’s been doing this for a few years now, and I’ve always known he’d finish his book, which he did. Unfortunately, a break-in by vandals left him with no original and no backup. Did he give up? No. He started all over and will not stop until he has a new, better draft. He bolsters his vision with the kind of determination needed to create success.

This is an era where millions of people are rethinking what they will do with their careers. If you’ve been pushed to the edge by a layoff, you probably feel like you are staring into the abyss. But, how you rise out of this adversity depends entirely on whether you can do what Rick did.  Figure out what you want to do, make up your mind to do it, and persevere — through anything by doing it one small step at a time.

I know it is easier said than done — and that’s the point. If it is worth doing, and if your success is worth having, you’ve got to suffer the pain to earn your reward. Don’t judge your success by what comes easy — judge it by what comes hard. My motto is “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” It comes from a Chinese proverb that so simply sets the course that one must take in life because the obstacles are inevitable. They just are. When I started writing my first book, I hoped I could have written, sold and published it in six short months before it exploded onto the best-seller list and made me rich and famous. Things didn’t play out that way at all. I suffered humiliating rejections and obstacles that repeatedly tested whether I had the mettle to earn my success. Getting up every time I fell down required me to find strength when I had none.

Fortunately, I had a support group that kept cheering for me when I couldn’t cheer for myself. Count on your friends to keep you moving forward. There were so many key moments when I felt like giving up, but others inspired me to stay in the game. If you don’t seek out that kind of positive energy, you’ll get stuck in the defeatism that destroys dreams. If you’ve been stopped along the way, don’t give in to bitterness. Reach out to your friends and tell them what you need in order to continue toward a positive outcome.

I recognize that many of us feel like we are stuck in the 2009 vortex of negativity that makes it impossible to break through to do what we really want to do. The old notion that we should do what we love seems to be a luxury in a time when people are worried how they are even going to pay their electric bills. But, I still believe that we can do what we are meant to do — if we really want to do it. The challenges of this hard economic year may mean our steps are smaller and our progress slowed. Still, we can do what we truly want to do.

I always tell the aspiring authors the same thing. “If you write a page a day, you’ll be done in a year. You’ve just got to start it and finish it.”

The question is the same for them as it is for you. Do you really want to do it? And if so, what’s stopping you from getting started?

Two days ago, I wrote how cynicism and negativity were defeating a former co-worker’s spirit in the midst of sudden unemployment. Leave it to Rosemary Goudreau to add another dimension to it.

“Maybe more than cyncism, what your friend faced was depression,” wrote Goudreau, who I worked with a million years ago when we were both reporters for The Miami Herald. “There’s a lot of it going around these days as journalists, even optimistic journalists, face the loss of their occupation…Few of us find the perfect opportunity out of the box. But as we explore this and that, we will find our way…Defining small steps might help your depressed cynic find a sense of direction again.”

Goudreau was laid off last November from The Tampa Tribune as its editorial page editor, but quickly regrouped and positioned herself as a communications consultant specializing in public policy and advocacy. She got her first contract two weeks after she lost her job.

And, she’s right. Instead of pointing out how destructive cynicism is, I should break down the re-invention process into manageable steps.

 So, that’s what I’ll do here. If you want help figuring out what you need to do with your life, check out the column I wrote earlier this week. I really believe the answers are really “out there.” But, so much of the re-invention process comes down to making the decision to play to win — then positioning yourself to actually do it.

10 Steps from Depression into Career Transition

1. Get dressed in the morning. Look good. Feel good so you can deliver. 

2. Exercise. Do you stop exercising because you get depressed or do you get depressed because you stopped exercising? Do whatever you need to do in order to keep your depression at bay. Take your meds. Pray. Take care of yourself so you are able to deliver at your greatest level of performance.

3. Take charge of your brain. If you put negative in, you get negative out. Put positive in, get positive out. You have tremendous power to control what you are thinking and, when you start hearing the negative tapes, just give yourself a verbal “Stop” cue. Deliberately replace your negative thoughts with something positive. It’s easier if you have a list of five positive things to go to for those low moments. For example, “I’ve been so successful in the past. I’m smart enough to get through this.”

4. Know that these tough times will not last forever. As much as it feels like you are sinking into a bottomless pit of quicksand, you aren’t. Don’t let yourself slide into the mentality that says you may never get another job, that you may never make as much as you once made, that you will have to work until the day you die. All that does is make you struggle more.

5. Remember who you are and who you are not. I see a lot of people who experience rejection and then process it as failure. They forget how talented and viable they are, so it becomes harder to project themselves as desirable. That poises them for more rejection. You have not lost your talent. And your setbacks have not erased your successes. They are just obstacles. You have succeeded in the past and you will succeed in the future.

6. Choose your friends carefully. If you surround yourself with hopeless people, you’ll lose hope. This can be hard if most of your friends are former co-workers who were also laid off. And, that can be even worse if you are competing for the same jobs against your friends. You’ll constantly wonder why someone got an interview or job that you didn’t. For the time being, be around people who will propel your success.

7. Network. Duh. We’ve all heard “It’s not what you know but who you know.” Well, it is also how you know them. Don’t network to make business connections. Network to make relationships. It is more important that you know that somebody likes to watch Grey’s Anatomy and loves pizza with anchovies than it is that you know their job description. Make important people fall in love with your personality and leverage those friendships so they take care of you professionally.

8. Listen. What are you supposed to do with your life? The universe will send you many prompts. Great turning points often present themselves in passing.

9. Don’t limit yourself to the classifieds. Executives are constantly asking other executives, “Do you know anyone who can…” They don’t want to advertise jobs because they don’t want 8,000 resumes. Network, network, network. Figure out where you want to work, then start writing key people to introduce yourself. There is a lot more on this in my book, Finding the UP in the Downturn. 

10. Know your weekly goals and achieve them by setting daily tasks. Then, DO THEM. Do something every day to move you closer to your goal. Whether you spend time networking or writing letters or taking classes or attending job fairs, do something to keep yourself in the game.

The most important thing is to have faith. Things will work out. I am not being flip. I am not shrugging off your pain or uncertainty. Things do have a way of working out. I don’t want to minimize anybody’s suffering or delude myself into thinking that hope conquers all, but the truth is that there are very few of you who will wind up eating out of garbage cans. There’s so much you can’t control, so give it to the wind.

Today, my favorite server at my favorite beach restaurant sighed and said, “I need to do something different with my life, but I don’t know what it is.”

Yesterday, the exasperation came from an acquaintance who e-mailed, “I’m still trying to find my passion – envious that you have found yours!” 

I am asked the “What should I do now?” question all the time. I always say, “Put it out there and the universe will send you a signal.”

My life’s most pivotal changes occurred because I listened when somebody made a remark that could have easily been lost in passing. For example, in 1991, my friend Betsy Cannon suggested I rehab from knee surgery by training for Ride the Rockies, the classic Colorado bike challenge sponsored by The Denver Post. I did that bike trip and have taken a cycling vacation almost every year since. I cycle almost every day. It is my sanity and my salvation.

On top of the Molas Divide in Colorado on that first Ride the Rockies.

In 1998, as I struggled with my duties as a manager, I went looking for a book that would teach me how to succeed as a strong woman in a harsh work environment. When I couldn’t find what I was looking for, a friend said, “Well, you’re a journalist. Why don’t you write it?” That led to my first best-seller, Hard Won Wisdom. As I waited for that book to finally find its publisher and make its way into print, another friend threw out a suggestion. “Hey, you ought to be a professional speaker,” she said. It had never occured to me that I could have a career standing up in front of people and talking. That was the most significant and rewarding prompt that the universe ever gave me.

Those three remarks led me to my three strongest passions today: speaking, writing books and cycling. Although my friends made the suggestions, I had to be open to them. I had to follow-through with action. The cycling in the Rocky Mountains took endless and exhausting hours of hard training. My life as an author began with constant rejection and seemingly insurmountable obstacles. And my work as a speaker began by me doing things like driving six hours to Miami for an unpaid event where only 19 people showed up.

Even when I have been on my path, there have been countless opportunities for detours. Several years ago, I was courted for a job that came with a really fat weekly paycheck, great benefits, good vacation and a secure future. It didn’t feel right for me, and I continued on my more uncertain route of self-employment as — gasp! — a motivational speaker. I had no idea that my route would ultimately prove much more stable and lucrative. I kept growing my business, and two years after I turned down that job, all the senior managers at that company were booted out.  Some sought advice from me.

It’s important to know what you love and be mindful of the subjects or activities that are so exciting to you that you get completely lost in them. You’ll often find the roots of passion there. But, also, listen up. Hear what others suggest and dare to take the steps to check things out. Try new things, but don’t force the universe. You won’t find great success by forcing yourself to love something that you don’t even like.

And, if you are confused about what to do next, take heart. So are millions and millions of other people. The answers are out there. You just have to hear them — then act.

Cycling the Arkansas River Valley in Colorado on that 1992 trip.

I came home from the Executive Leader’s Forum last week with a negativity hangover. News on the business front is truly harsh these days. The bottom line is, if you are waiting this recession out and hoping you’ll just hang on until things get back to normal, you are making a mistake. This is the new reality. It’s the “new normal.”

It’s not all bleak — especially if you can grasp the seismic paradigm shift and adapt quickly.

The conference was for 120 of the nation’s most senior business executives. They are people I admire and enjoy tremendously.

Their point was that people’s values and habits changed in an instant — and aren’t going to change back. Society isn’t spending like it used to — and it won’t. People and companies are deliberating before buying. They are contemplating whether they actually need what they are buying, rather than just buying because they want something. Buying for “want” symbolizes excess — and that is now seen a gauche. The leaders at the conference don’t see the trend ever switching back, which is why retailers are having to dance fast to figure out how to service their changing customers. If people are opting to buy store-brand cheese and canned goods over the tried-and-true brand names, what can a brand name do? That’s the challenge.

Especially since, as individuals in the marketplace, we are all our own brand name products.

It’s also the opportunity, something that fits with the theme of my new book, Finding the UP in the Downturn. The daily dose of bad news is so bleak that people are giving up. But, for those who don’t, there is a huge opportunity to succeed. Like Shelley Broader (president of Michaels) told us, there is no better time to start a business than when the price of real estate, labor and equipment are at rock bottom prices. Instead of contracting, we have to figure out how to smartly expand by exploiting the new reality to our advantage.

All of this involves a personal awakening and acceptance. We have to accept that the rules have changed, and brainstorm ways to fit our talents to the new demands that have been created. We have to be relentless.

If you are looking for an excuse to give up, you don’t have to look far. But, if you give up, things aren’t going to suddenly return to normal when the recession ends.

This is the sobering new reality, and we’ve all got work to do to decide where we fit into it. That means studying our industries, our clients and our competition. It means learning our technology and knowing where it is going. It’s taking action without being 100 percent sure of the result because there is no more 100 percent certainty in anything. It’s having the confidence and courage to know that we are moving forward and, when we are doing it wrong, we can change quickly and right our course.

Bad news can wear down our confidence, but only if we let it. This is the time to make up our minds that we will be winners in the new reality.

What’s your first step? Open your eyes. The challenge isn’t going to go away, so what do you need to do?

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of five books, including one that was an Oprah pick. She is a four-time, Pulitzer-nominated journalist and an internationally acclaimed keynote speaker who has been hired by some of the world’s largest corporations to share her message of opportunity and leadership.

It’s been a week since the Rocky Mountain News published its final edition. Some of my old colleagues have forged on, using the Internet to keep the Rocky’s spirit alive at www.iwantmyrocky.com. This is pretty revolutionary stuff.

It reminds me of the time the IRS shut down a Popeye’s Chicken franchise in Denver. The next morning, the employees opened up and cooked and sold the remaining chicken so they would get paid for the week. Granted, they got in a lot of trouble, but I really loved that they banded together and carried on.

That is what these former Rocky staffers are doing. They can still do great journalism without the hard copy of the newspaper. Instead of surrendering, they are fighting back with their talent. I’ve always said, your job may not last but your talent does. This website is proof.  I hope it will become profitable and a template for other reporters who find themselves losing out in this economy.

Please visit their site and click on their ads to drive up revenues and support these swashbuckling reporters. And, pass on the word.

I felt so bad that the tradition of Rocky founder William Byers was dying with that last edition, but it’s not. This is exactly what Byers would have wanted.

Again: www.iwantmyrocky.com!

I have a friend who has been looking for work for awhile and will soon start her job at IKEA. She called to go over her success strategy and, out of pure self-interest, I asked when her discount would kick in. That brought up a whole bunch of other questions she said has for her first day. I am either slap-happy because I was up working until 4 a.m., or she really should abandon IKEA job and seek to replace Conan. Here’s what she wants to discuss with her manager: 

1. How many sick days do I get in my first month? If I use more, is that okay?
2. Can I take a cigarette break now? I require multiple cigarette breaks every hour. It is not my fault. If you have a problem, take it up with Big Tobacco.
3. When does the dental insurance kick in? I have a toothache. What kind of discount do I get on the Swedish meatballs in the cafeteria? Do employees get extra meatballs?
4. Sometimes, I will need to bring my cat to work with me.
5. What should I tell customers when they interrupt me while I am text messaging?
6. Which door is best when you’re trying to leave early?
7. Are the display beds available for employee naps?
8. When my probation officer comes to visit, can we use a conference room? Will he get extra Swedish meatballs in his order?
9. When is my first week of vacation?

 I think she’ll be a STAR!

Fawn Germer is the author of  four books, one of which was an Oprah favorite. Her fifth book, FINDING THE UP IN THE DOWNTURN will be released this spring. She is one of the nation’s most popular leadership keynote speakers.

Over the weekend, we got this from Paul Volker this from former chair of the Federal Reserve and current advisor to President Obama: “I don’t remember any time, maybe even in the Great Depression, when things went down quite so fast, quite so uniformly around the world.”

But today, the headline says Fed Chair Ben “Bernanke Suggests Recession Will End This Year… 2010 ‘Will Be A Year Of Recovery.’”

Now, let me give my interpretation of those guys and all the others predicting this and predicting that: Nobody knows what they are talking about. Why even listen? Usually, the projections make people feel horrible. They zap hope which zaps performance.

Regardless of what any of those economists and pundits say, if you aren’t operating at your peak right now, you will be a victim of the economy. The more you listen to them, the harder it becomes to operate at your peak.

If you tune out the negative and focus on where you can actually gain some ground, you will turn this downturn into an opportunity. You just have to see that possibility exists. I know so many people who have lost their jobs and seem to be moving in slow motion with their searches because they are convinced there is nothing out there. Well, there are jobs out there — just not very many. The way to find an opportunity is to be open to it. See the possibility that exists.

I know a senior executive who is retiring from a director’s position at Procter and Gamble at the end of this month. She’s in her mid-50s and going out into the world in the worst economic climate possible. She always held she was not going to let herself go out to pasture — and she didn’t. But, imagine my shock when I heard that she was just made VP of sales at another major company — before she even officially retired? She expects a lot out of her career — and gets it.

We all need to do the same. 

Listen to Volker and Bernanke and you’ll wind up confused and depressed. Listen to your own voice telling you to carry on — and you can get through this downturn stronger, wiser and even more successful.

I talked with a woman today who complained that she simply cannot stand her job for another minute. I can understand that, because I once had a job like that. I quit after seven weeks. No point in suffering like that when life is short, right?

Well, things have changed a bit since I decided to quit that miserable job. Back then, there weren’t a million people clamoring for every available opening. Today, there are. You can’t be too cavalier about the value of your employment, even when your job sucks.  This is the year to kiss your paycheck (even if you think you are ridiculously underpaid), be grateful for your boss (even if he or she is hopelessly incompetent) and just thank the heavens that you have something when so many people now have nothing.

Many of you will be surprised to hear me say this because I have always said that you should take risks so you can do what you love, because it will be easier for you to succeed. I still believe that. I still think you should keep your eyes open for opportunities and create new success wherever you can. I just don’t think this is a great time to jump into the unknown when you don’t have somewhere to land. Right now, make peace with what little security you can find and ride out this thunderstorm.

I know someone who took a buyout from a tech job and became a middle school teacher. She finds the experience excruciating, but she knows she is in no position to be picky about what she is doing. Others who took buyouts when she did have still not found work, so even though her job sucks — it’s a job.

If you aren’t real happy with your work life, hang in there. We’ll get past these hard times and you will find more of what you are looking for. In the meantime, keep this list of points handy when you start hating what you are doing:

• You aren’t going to have to stay there forever.
• It’s only a job. It is not your life.
• It sure beats worrying about whether you will wind up losing everything you have .
• You can handle anything if you take it one minute at a time.
• There are at least a thousand people who would love your crummy job.

If you really want out, you can look for other opportunities while maintaining employment. But, go slow. I still believe the magic is in the risk-taking, but now more than ever, fortify your risks. And, while you wait, kiss that sweet paycheck for as long as you’ve got it.

I went out with three of my favorite people last night. We brought note pads. I’m going out tonight, too. Same deal. We are focusing on expanding our businesses at a time when others are giving up. We are doing something we could have been doing all along — bringing our individual strengths to the table and sharing what we know so we can achieve at a higher level.

We hooked up at 7:30 and I was astonished that, when I got in the car to leave, the clock said it was 11:24 p.m. I’ll admit that a part of that time was spent laughing and telling stories, but all of us clarified our goals and objectives a bit, too.

How cool is that? Tonight, I’ll be brainstorming the execution of my marketing plan with someone who could sell sand in the desert.

My friends have always been such a great source of entertainment and support, but now I am getting us to put our brains together so we can be even more successful.

Are you doing that? Or are you meeting with your friends to commiserate about how bad things are? Keep it positive. There is so much that you can do to grow your success at a time like this. Be creative. Bring together the collective energy of the people you know and you will be surprised by how much they will help you and how much fun you will have.

Fawn Germer is the bestselling author of four books and one of the nation’s most popular leadership keynote speakers. Her fifth book, “Finding the UP in the Downturn” will be released in March.