Motivational Leadership Speaker, Bestselling Oprah Author

Archive for July, 2008

I had lunch with a friend today who was a hormonal mess. First came the cancer. Then, the hysterectomy. Now comes the tug-of-war with her body as it adapts to a massively changed set of rules. She’s impatient. Can’t sleep. And the post-hysterectomy weight gain is making her feel terrible.

I was thrilled.

Not for her difficulties, but for the glass-is-half-full flip-side of the situation that is becoming more obvious as I watch so many friends deal with cancer. Suzann’s alive. She looks fantastic. Her acerbic wit is still intact and she remains one of my greatest confidants.

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So despite how much the new reality of her body affects her, I chalk her story up as a victory. There have been a lot of victories in the decade since the first of my friends was diagnosed with cancer. All of them have had to fight so hard to get beyond their obstacles. All but one of them is still alive.

I lost my friend Bette to ovarian cancer in 2002 and have thought of her almost every day since. She taught me so much as I watched her fight to live while she was dying. Thinking of her grounds me when I get caught up in my day-to-day worries. The hassles of work or daily living are nothing

compared to cancer. The simplicity and reward that she found in her last year by creating a butterfly garden for her neighbors in her condo community showed me so much about life. One day, we went kayaking out to Caladesi Island. It was in the winter, yet she dove right into the Gulf because she thought the water looked beautiful.

So much of us fear diving in because we know it is cold. We miss so much living by holding back. But, Bette really lived until the end. Still, in the end, there was an ending. I miss her. I wish we could do one more lunch.

All these years after her death, I sat with my friend Suzann and thought about how much fun it was to just have lunch and download all of our stories and thoughts. I hate that she’s got to deal with all of these hormonal hassles, but I love that she is here to keep going. I love that we laughed about the mini-hamburgers she ordered for lunch and that we talked endlessly about everything from dogs to sales at Macy’s to our crazy siblings. Lunch was simply great.

It’s that simplicity thing that I learned from Bette.

I went to a concert last night with a friend who has been having one of those year-from-hell-good-God-I-can’t-take-it-anymore moments. With good reason, too, because it really has been the year when everything that could possibly go wrong professionally has gone wrong for her. One thing after another. There was a frivolous professional grievance filed by a spiteful former client. Legal bills that escalated from outrageous to astronomical. A settlement that should have ended things but instead made the problem mushroom to other parts of her professional practice.

Last night, she showed up at the concert with more bad news: Someone had gotten hurt in the parking lot of her office building, and the building manager was able to force her out of her shared office arrangement since there was no lease.

She’s had enough. She wants to quit her practice and get a job. There wouldn’t be so many problems, one on top of another, each one getting bigger and bigger, if it weren’t some sort of sign that she should be doing something else. She’s exhausted and depressed and can’t stand the thought of anything else happening. There’s been so much bad news – way too much bad news – and she just wants it to stop.

“I just think this may be telling me it is time to leave the profession,” she said.

If she does, it is a real shame for the people she serves – and for herself — because she is gifted in her work and deserves great success. But, she’s lost faith in herself. Her reserves are depleted and she doesn’t think she has the energy to deal with another disappointment or setback. If she does abandon her work, she will do it because she is surrendering to a merciless run of horrible luck, not because she doesn’t want to do the work and not because she can’t succeed with it. It’s a decision made out of frustration and exhaustion.

Don’t look for ease, look for strength. Like all of us, you will go through difficult times, and how you emerge depends entirely on your approach adversity. You either give power to your obstacles, or build strength to deal with them. You can’t know when a run of bad luck is going to end, but have faith that it will end.

I have been taught something profound from every one of those old, unpleasant test points I have experienced in life, and my difficulties have ultimately led me to far greater personal or professional success than any of the accomplishments that came with ease.

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courages and creative leadership strategies.

I’ve been gone for two weeks, even though my automatically-updating blog made it look like I was really cranking out the copy. It started with an event in Dallas, then Anchorage. Then, I went on a much-needed cruise.

The Dallas event was for the Network of Executive women. I’m still high from it. So, now that I’m back, I am thinking NEW thoughts that I want to share with you. If you know me at all, you know I am a rabid cheerleader for the Network of Executive Women, a collection of powerful women who are set on advancing each other — and the rest of us. The group represents the retail and consumer packaged goods industries, but I’ve made myself a stowaway in its ranks because it has given me more energy, validation and purpose than any other group around. NEW is not just about networking and making contacts that will propel a career. It’s about connecting, heart and soul, and sharing this historic moment for women as we ascend to levels we once only dared to dream we could achieve.

The visionary at the helm of NEW is a whirlwind named Helanye Angelus. Helayne just retired as a VP for Procter and Gamble, but she’s still quite young. I have never met anyone like her, and if I could share anyone with all of you, it would be her. I call her “Hurricane,” because there is no stopping her when she gets moving. She is a brilliant believer who dares to think big thoughts and devise a strategy that will make her ideas a fast reality. Helayne is the reason The NEW Woman Rules exists. We had an idea, she got the fire, fought the fight, gave me the green light and, because of her, I was able to write a book that I know will track other women faster and higher.

I should note that NEW’s executive director, Joan Toth, does a lot of the heavy lifting for Helayne’s ideas. They really deliver a great one-two punch and I’ve never seen anything like it. Both of them are my teachers. They’re in the photo with me — Helayne in green, Joanie in black. And, of course, Helayne leading the conga line with some of the most accomplished women in America following.

Helayne understands that women leaders today are creating a legacy that will foster success for women long after we clock out. That’s why I love her. She’s not on this mission for some self-serving agenda. She’s doing it because it matters to her soul. And that makes it matter to mine.

There are so many women who make the group rock, and I think of all of them as my sisters. Helayne and Joan make it roll.

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courages and creative leadership strategies. download vanguard the online

I often think of a story told to me by Kathryn Sullivan, the first American woman to walk in space. Her mission was to deploy the Hubble Telescope, and it entailed complicated, intricate steps that all had to be perfectly executed.

“This was not the time to be staring out the window. We had the professional futures of other folks and a lot of federal money placed in trust in our hands.”

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While she was doing her work outside the space shuttle, Commander Bob Crippen called out to the astronauts and had them take a second to look away from their tasks “…so we would know this was not a (training) repetition in the safety tank. It was the real deal. There was a planet over our shoulders. He made us pause to absorb the reality, and I’m so glad he did. We could well have gone back in the airlock and said, ‘Was that the (training) tank or was that for real?’”

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When we immerse ourselves in so much intensity, it is so easy to lose perspective. The reward is not only achieving our goals, but the joy that comes from trying to attain them. Which memory means most to you – getting your college diploma, or remembering the things that happened on your way to earning it? Your wedding might have been a crown jewel moment in your life, but wasn’t it fun to go through all the giddiness of meeting and falling in love?

Remember that as you go on your way. Some of your experiences will be quite trying, but they really provide you with a defining moment to live all out and be who you are. Enjoy that. The reward is in doing something different, pushing yourself, feeling the support from your friends and family as you dare to be bold.

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Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courages and creative leadership strategies.

People don’t invest their support or money in people who will let them down, so if you lose confidence in yourself, others will lose confidence in you. Do you invest in someone who isn’t sure he or she can pull off the task? Do you give your trust to someone who thinks naked weapon free he or she can do it? Or, do you find the person who knows with absolute certainty that he or she will find a way to do the job – no matter what? You choose the one who is going to get the job done. Period. So, know you will get the job done, and know you have the fortitude to find a way to do it despite whatever obstacles come your way.

I learned this lesson during my lowest professional moment. My first book had been rejected by every major American publisher. My first agent wasn’t communicating. My dream of a life as a successful author was in tatters – and it seemed as if the gods were conspiring against me, giving me every sign that it was time to give up.

“It isn’t going to happen,” I said to my friend. “And I have to accept it.”

“If you lose faith in your product, no one else will have faith in it,” she told me.

And, I knew she was right.

But, how could I believe in myself when I hit a wall at every turn?

I took inventory.

I knew I had a good product. The book featured interviews with world-famous trailblazers who had learned how to succeed and lead – the hard way. It had information that could help other people. As a consumer, I would have loved that book because it had the mentoring wisdom I so desperately needed as a manger. And, their stories made for compelling reading. I had a good book. What I didn’t have was a publisher.

I had to find a way to get that book sold and on the shelves.

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But, how?

The hardest challenge was revving myself up to do battle again. I had to find the strength to believe in myself when it seemed like no one else believed in me. When I hit a wall, I usually need to get more information to figure out what is going wrong. So, I did some research and found out that my initial vision for the book – where all the interview subjects got their own chapters – wasn’t marketable to big publishers because that format does not sell tons of books. What I had to do was reorganize, restructure and rewrite.

I needed an agent. Well, my first agent was a real dud, but I felt stuck with her because I’d turned down about ten others when I chose her. But, I started thinking about it. There are thousands of agents. Surely one of them was right for me. So, I started sending out query letters.

Within a week, I had another dozen agents who wanted the book. I chose the one who I thought would believe in me and my dream. Did she ever. She got me my choice of publishers.

Hard Won Wisdom wound up being a best-selling, Oprah-featured book.

But, it almost never was.

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courages and creative leadership strategies. heart and souls dvd

There are occasions where our greatest growth comes from making the hard decision to cut losses and move on. Let’s say you launch a business and quickly start losing money. Time passes and you lose more money. It continues like that until you realize the hemorrhage won’t stop until you either shut down or file bankruptcy. You prove nothing by sticking with an obvious loser. The boldest option is quitting before you are completely sucked under. But, get the information you need to know that your decision is made from the power of information and insight, not fear.

Or, in another case, let’s say you have a real bully of a boss who is holding you back and making you miserable. He has made it clear he isn’t going anywhere and you are stuck with him – probably for several years — if you stay. You don’t want to be pushed out, you know you didn’t deserve the ordeal and it certainly isn’t fair. You shouldn’t have to leave. But, staying just gives him the power over your psychological well being. . Does it require more confidence to stay in a bad situation, or to pack up and leave? Quitting requires more strength in this situation. But it shows you decide your destiny, not some jerk. You may feel pushed out, but leaving in this kind of circumstance really means you are “firing” your boss.

Weak people encounter test points, stop what they are doing, let themselves feel bad, then slow down or quit altogether. Strong people see those moments for what they are: tests of stamina, creativity and willpower. They may ultimately choose to leave a losing situation, not because they are weak but rather, because they are strong.

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Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courages and creative leadership strategies.

The concept of “moving forward” varies by individual and situation. You define what is right for yourself, but approach that decision with strength and power, rather than fear and weakness. Choose the option that will challenge you and help you grow. Protect yourself from harm, but don’t insulate yourself from risk. Do what is best for you.

Life is complicated, and what works for you might not work for me. When you find yourself at one of those life test points and feel your commitment to your goal starting to dwindle, you have to honor yourself. If you decide to persevere, do it because it is best for you. Same thing goes if you decide to quit. Just don’t give too much power to worrying about what people will think if you quit, or if you persevere and ultimately “fail.” These tests are all about what you learn in the process, not what you gain in the end.

People use their power in different ways. I don’t judge those who quit, but I do applaud those who quit a challenge because it is the right option, not the easy option. Use the moment to build strength and character, not sacrifice it.

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courages and creative leadership strategies. can you take aleve while pregnant cla vaccine

When you want to quit, take a break, slow down, recharge, then start again. Move forward slowly, an inch at a time if you have to, but keep moving forward knowing that there will come a point where you conquer your challenge.

You see, if you give the universe permission, it will give you every possible excuse to lose faith in yourself and quit. Once you quit on yourself, you might as well quit everything else.

The cycling story I wrote about yesterday is just a metaphor. Perseverance like that has nothing to do with cycling, and really, nothing to do with the task at hand that is giving you so much trouble.

Those moments of great self-doubt are profound test points that determine your own strength or fortitude. They determine whether you want to achieve your goals – or not. You have to assume that things never go as planned and obstacles will arise to make your challenge harder to achieve. Know that, so you can expect and accept the torture of temporary setbacks and failures. Then get back up on your bike and move on.

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Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courages and creative leadership strategies.

Looking back on it, it seems like a bad dream. I was on my bike, climbing more than 6,000 feet to the 10,800-foot summit of Colorado’s Grand Mesa. I was in really lousy shape at the time – and it was the first day of my annual cycling vacation, The Grand Mesa was the most brutal mountain climb I’d ever experienced, and it was beating me up.

My gang had a saying, “Death before sag.” The “sag” was the vehicle that would pick up the riders who just weren’t up to the challenge. I’d never sagged in my life, but I felt like the time had come. I felt terrible. I hated that ride, I hated those mountains. It did not feel like a vacation, not at all. ohlsson clas

I knew I had to quit.

But, before I did, I came up with a quitting strategy, and it went like this: I had permission to quit, but I wouldn’t until I had depleted every bit of energy I had. I would stop at the next rest stop, and take a very long break. It wound up stretching to an hour and a half – more than I’d ever stopped on a day trip. My plan was to wait it out, then get in the sag car.

After the time passed, I felt like I could go a few more miles. I decided to just keep moving until I could not move anymore. I told myself, “This is not a race. I have all day. I have eight hours until the sun goes down.” I rode four miles, then stopped for awhile. And then, I made up my mind that I would do it one mile at a time. Ride a mile, stop for a few minutes. Ride another mile, then stop for a few more minutes. As I did this, one sag vehicle after another passed me, filled with cyclists who had given up.

One mile at a time, I moved toward the summit. It was not fun, I did not take in the breathtaking Rocky Mountain scenery, I did not enjoy any of that experience, and I am not going to pretend that the life-changing lesson left me with feel-good memories all these years later. I still look back on that day and grimace, and I never went back to ride that route again. But, the moment came when I looked down at my bike computer and saw that I was within two miles of the top, Two miles, and the I knew I’d licked the mountain.

I remember summiting the Grand Mesa in the early afternoon, getting off my bike, pouring an entire bottle of water over my head, then stretching out, flat on my back on the ground.

When I think back to that day of cycling, I am still not sure who was smarter: those who quit or those of us who kept fighting the mountain, despite our misery. I mean, who is smarter? The cyclist who said, “This is my vacation, this ride sucks, I am going to quit riding so my vacation doesn’t suck,” or someone like me who said, “This is my vacation, this ride sucks, but I am too stubborn to stop and so – even if I don’t enjoy one minute of it – I am not quitting.”

The point here is that quitting is sometimes the right decision for the right person in the right time. Timing counts.

Keep moving until it is time to stop. If you quit something when you’ve done all you can, then you really can’t feel like you have failed yourself – only that some of your efforts may have failed.

Fawn Germer is the best-selling author of four books and speaks to corporations and organizations about courages and creative leadership strategies.

I travel a lot for my speaking business and the thing I hate most is coming home to a dining room table covered with stacks of mail. I just can’t deal with it, and so I leave it. Then the pile grows. And grows.

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There came a point where there was not a single inch of space available on that table. One morning, I lamented this to a friend who told me, “Just set your timer and give it ten minutes of straightening time. You can do the same thing tomorrow. But, you only have to do it for ten minutes.” Well, that didn’t seem so bad, so I told myself I would do it.

I kept putting it off. Noon came and went, two o’clock, four o’clock, and finally I said to myself, “This is ridiculous. It’s only ten minutes.” So, I set the clock, and focused on that table. Ten minutes later, I realized I was almost finished clearing that table. It only would take another five minutes, which I gladly did. Suddenly, that table was 100 percent clear of clutter.

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It is exactly the same when trying to clear the clutter you have stacked up in your brain. Even if the outcome is peace of mind, inner strength and outright joy, the idea of changing your entire thought pattern, perceptions and attitudes sounds like work.

You don’t have to change everything today.

You don’t have to go into some twenty-three hour Zen zone of affirmation, affirmation, affirmation to reprogram every negative thing about you.

Just give it ten minutes.

Just start.

The single parent I mentioned yesterday did go back to school and is a nurse today. It was a long, arduous challenge, but she did it one step at a time.